5 Tips for Relationships: Enhancing Emotional Safety

I have always said that I learned the most about love and relationships from my children. Recently, I sat down with Kristen Schmoke, a seasoned educator and parent coach. Our talk contained some high quality relationship advice as well as some great parenting tips. One of the most important topics we discussed was Emotional Safety, both in the parent-child relationship and in the intimate relationship. You can find our full discussion over here. 

One of the most important foundational concepts of Fearless Love is that The Relationship is SAFE. According to Ellen Boeder, emotional safety is one of the most important aspects of a satisfying connection in a loving relationship.Partners need to feel that they can be vulnerable without the fear of being judged or criticized in order to create a deeper and more meaningful connection. This safety allows for open and honest communication, which is essential for a healthy relationship.  Just as children look to their parents for reassurance and understanding, partners look to each other for emotional support and validation.

In this post we will illuminate 5 big benefits of Emotional Safety in your intimate relationship. We will explore the congruencies between parent-child relationships and intimate relationships. We’re going to identify the essential elements that make a relationship safe, and give you guys some tips for providing emotional safety, both in parent-child relationships and intimate partnerships.

5 BIG benefits of Emotional Safety in Intimate Relationships

You might be wondering if emotional safety is even relevant to you. You probably think everything is fine in your relationship, so why should I fuss over problems that don’t exist? While I don’t recommend looking for problems, I do recommend making every effort to improve your intimate relationship. Even if you think your relationship is already amazing, you might be shocked at how much deeper and more fulfilling your relationship can be. Let’s look at just a few of the benefits of creating even more emotional safety in your intimate relationship. 

1. Enhanced Emotional Connection: Emotional safety allows partners to share their deepest thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or rejection, leading to a stronger emotional bond and deeper intimacy. When your partner can speak their truth, they will feel closer to you. 
2. Reduced Stress: When individuals feel emotionally safe, their stress levels decrease. This sense of security promotes relaxation and reduces the physiological effects of stress, such as elevated heart rate and respiration. When your partner’s stress levels are decreased, they are able to be a better partner to you. 
3. Improved Communication: Emotional safety encourages open and honest communication. Partners are more likely to express their needs, desires, and concerns, leading to better problem-solving and conflict resolution. You both might be surprised by what you learn about each other. 
4. Greater Relationship Satisfaction: Feeling valued and respected in a relationship enhances overall satisfaction. Emotional safety contributes to a sense of belonging and happiness, making the relationship more fulfilling and stable.
5. Strengthened Trust and Security: Emotional safety builds trust between partners, which is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It creates a secure base where both partners can rely on each other, fostering long-term stability, certainty and commitment.

If you are a parent, I encourage you to look back over this list and see that these benefits can also apply to your parent-child relationship! Do you see the congruency between your intimate relationship and your parent-child relationship? That congruency is why I always say that my kids taught me how to love! 

Essential Elements of Emotional Safety in Relationships

Now that you understand how beneficial emotional safety can be to your relationship, you will want to create more safety in your relationship today! So, I encourage you to make a commitment to implement these elements into your relationship. 

Here is the toughest but most important piece of relationship advice I can give you. You should not ask or expect your partner to make these changes. Doing so will only lead to disappointment. Instead you should take matters into your own hands. Implement these elements to the best of your ability and, leading by example, and I promise you will be shocked at how your partner will react. When you change who you are in the relationship, you change the relationship. 

1. Trust: Trust is the foundation of safety in any relationship. When partners trust each other, they feel secure and confident in the relationship, knowing that they can rely on each other and that their vulnerabilities will be respected and protected
2. Communication: Open and honest communication is crucial for creating emotional safety. When partners can express their thoughts and feelings freely without fear of judgment or retaliation, it builds a safe and supportive environment
3. Respect: Mutual respect ensures that both partners feel valued and acknowledged. Respectful behavior includes listening actively, valuing each other’s opinions, and treating each other with kindness and consideration
4. Boundaries: Setting and respecting personal boundaries is essential for safety in intimate relationships. Boundaries help partners understand each other’s limits and needs, preventing feelings of being overwhelmed or violated
5. Support: Providing and receiving support fosters a safe environment where partners feel cared for and understood. This includes emotional support during tough times and encouragement in pursuing individual and shared goals

5 Relationship Tips:

Here are 5 simple ways you can make your intimate partner feel safe. 

1. Communicate Openly: Foster open and honest communication without fear of judgment or criticism.
2. Validate Feelings: Acknowledge and validate your partner’s emotions, even if you don’t agree with them.
3. Respect Boundaries: Maintain the sacredness of your relationship by respecting each other’s privacy and boundaries.
4. Support Individual Growth: Allow your partner the freedom to grow and evolve within the relationship.
5. Show Unconditional Love: Practice unconditional love by accepting your partner for who they are, flaws and all.

5 Parenting Tips:

Here are 5 simple ways you can help your child feel safe. 

1. Listen without Judgment: Create a safe space for your children to express their feelings without fear of criticism.
2. Validate Emotions: Acknowledge and validate your children’s emotions, helping them feel understood and supported.
3. Respect Privacy: Keep your children’s private moments sacred and avoid sharing them without their consent.
4. Support Independence: Allow your children the freedom to make their own decisions and support their independence.
5. Practice Unconditional Love: Show your children that your love is not contingent on their achievements or behavior.

The principle of Emotional Safety is equally applicable in parenting and in our intimate relationships. By creating a sense of safety and security, partners can build deeper, more meaningful connections that stand the test of time. Just as children thrive in an environment of emotional safety, partners in an intimate relationship will flourish when they feel secure and supported.

By applying these principles, you can create a relationship that is not only safe but also deeply fulfilling. Remember, the foundation of any strong relationship is the ability to connect on an emotional level, free from fear and judgment. Whether you are a parent or a partner, fostering emotional safety is the key to building lasting and meaningful relationships.